I have spent the better part of the last hour googling "turning 30". I guess admitting your age is the first step. I slept horrible last night, tossing and turning and so anxious. The other milestones seem fun. 16, you get a car. 18, you can vote. 21, you can finally legally drink. BUT 30? Your thirties seems as though you should have a check list of the goals that you made in your twenties accomplished.
I guess I have roughly a month to figure this out. Where did the time go? Why is only a third of my list even tapped? Should I rewrite the list and cross out the goals I had as failures? That seems so negative and harsh. BUT when do you figure out the direction you want to go. Shouldn't I already have my career figured out? I go in one direction and then a year or two later, I have decided its not where I see myself. Should I be this stressed out? Or shall I take this year and just throw myself into it?
The blogs I have read about turning 30 have been so mixed. Literally, night and day. Some say to just embrace it. Age is just a number. Others say get your act together. I feel like Bridget Jones or something; when I would rather feel like Carrie Bradshaw. I hope this anxiety passes so I can enjoy the damn day.
I surely did not think when I celebrated my 29th birthday that this year would take such a whirlwind. A four year relationship ended, devastating me. My career path completely changed and has left me questioning which direction to go. AND in a million years, I never thought I would be back home relying on my parents for help. No wonder I am having such spontaneous and frequent panic attacks.
Maybe I will spend the next month just doing A LOT of self discovering, praying, crying (lol), and also being grateful for what I do have and not what I do not... as lying about your age these days isn't really an option.
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